i still exist

its day one. January first 2010. a new decade. probably the finest to come. this is the decade where i fall in love, where i finally pick a career, where i settle down (?), have kids, where i get around to all those important things. probably.

(NOTES FROM YESTERdAY, 12;31,09 1st day back in Egypt after vacation in Uganda)

being back in Cairo is depressing. would much rather be anywhere else - America, St. Pete's, Kampala. ANywhere. Things with Owen are completely stagnant. feel suffocated. we spend the day walking in silence. ready for different company. ready for a change of scene. uganda was so green & fertile. a paradise. And the white water rafting was unlike anything I've ever experienced. Truly unbelievable. Leaving the Kampala airport I felt like Africa has so much more to offer - that I really need to find a way to get back there.

(Today, 1/1/10)

triumvirate of Denis, Jesse, and the New Zealander boatman from the Uganda white water trip - Kamo - in my dreams - i'm getting back to the people I miss & love. This memory of Kato instills the same feelings all over that I had leaving the Grand Canyon - wanting to throw myself in my boatman's lap & declare my love, to live on his boat forever. Back then is was nearly pre-pubescent. Now i'm technically an adult, rounding 27 years & I'm filled with the same emotion after just one day on the water. Fast-talking, quick witt, non P-C, hilarious, rugged, fuck-it attitude - it gets me everytime. hard to find time to write or be alone even for a moment. owen showers & I scribble this down.

"Concentrate upon Uganda" was the quote from Winston Churchill painted on the bathroom wall at Adrift. The source of the Nile is indeed a big prize. Pretty sure I'm not man enough to work white water in AFrica. At least I'd have to build up my balls somewhere else - perhaps in the Canyon. The idea of photojournalism as a career is still foggy - still haven't arrived at it & can't evaluate if it's what I want. Of course, I would love to drag J. to the canyon or Africa but these are petty dreams.

Things to do when I get back: write Kyle about this summer. Research other long rafting trips:Nepal? Tibet? New Zealand? Write back to Jimmy about rafting in Uganda/Africa. Write to J's friend who rafted n the US. Research UGandan music. Stop wasting money on expensive gifts/records. Summer plans - summer plans are what I don't have - if I could get in the Canyon for 2 weeks that would be ideal. Otherwise I should look for some stories - head down to New Orleans - meet up with Serene. Call & contact everyone I've got up my sleeve. Can work on adding archeology & wedding section to my website. Do some things on my own - get back to being self-sufficient. Maybe rent a room somewhere - in San Fran, Nola, or elsewhere.

when i get back to luxor later today I will try to write more about the nile white water. gotta jump a plane in a couple hours. miss you all terrible.

ps - those pictures at the top, not mine. but the same company/boatman that i went down the nile with. ADRIFT. check them out: http://adrift.ug/