Saturday, July 11, 2009

purge thyself of negative thoughts



(from a couple days ago)

I feel very discombobulated living out of a bag, with a new phone number where no one can reach me. no vehicle. computer in another state. same dirty pair of underwear & dirty jeans. i wonder how long it will be before i get my energy back. i hate the thought of going back to egypt still in this permanent state of fatigue. i'm also embarrassed that people I haven't seen in so long will have to see me like this - a vegetable. i haven't accomplished much of anything - and that's fine - it's only been a week - but it feels like forever. each day that passes without some kind of accomplishment is a little slap in the face. there are people out there - friends of mine - who are like that, workaholics, always on the ball - always in the game.

i should be a little more careful about coming home and try to take things slower. send less mass emails announcing my arrival and just let time be. disappoint less.

I am trying to learn how to enjoy the small things: sitting on the porch with a book, taking care of myself, learning how to communicate better. Most of all, to learn how to be where I am. Right now the best thing I can do for myself is to not make too many plans - to sleep when I'm tired, to take vitamins, and sleep some more. I have to recognize that I've got all the time in the world. I will get around to being a photojournalist and being on the ball when I'm good and ready. I just have to understand that and all that anxiety about "the clock is ticking" will fall away.

(from today)

Health-wise, I've come full-circle. It's been two months since I came down with tonsillitis. In Egypt I took antibiotics and penicillin. Back here, I'm already on my 2nd course of antibiotics, the same course they started me on two months ago. It's clearly viral and resistant to the antibiotics. that's a no-brainer.

Even though I tested negative for Celiacs disease my mom is convinced if I cut out Gluten from my diet for a month, my immune system will have a chance to recover and I will have my old self back again - energy and all. It seems almost too simple. But it worked for her several years ago. Turned her life around. Now you can't hardly find anything with wheat or gluten in it in the whole house, except for Tom's cereal. So on top of the antiobiotics, the 3,000 mgs of Vitamin C a day, and the probiotics, I'll try to cut out Gluten, which means no beer and whiskey. ??? Good luck right?!

But if i can log on here in a months time and say that my tonsils aren't swollen and I'm not feeling tired all the time, what a blessing that would be. It's almost worth it. All i want, more than anything else in the world, is to have my old healthy self back again. Amen.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

i should be sleeping

but im going to take this opportunity to write. because whenever i'm supposed to be sleeping i don't, and whenever i'm not supposed to be sleeping, i sleep. so fuck it, i guess that's just how i am.

every once in a while, i totally break down. it's part of being me. it usually involves a mixture of sleep deprivation, or just generally always feeling tired, sadness in a depression kind of way, and then all of this almost always leads to some kind of serious sickness. it's my body's way of saying - "here, go take a friggin vacation already, you're hardly doing anything as it is". so here i am with tonsillitis and this is going to sound fucked up but i was actually really grateful when i finally pointed the hot lamp down my throat to find pussy white lumps. because i've been feeling gradually more horrible for a long time. and it went beyond the feeling like i had a pill stuck in my throat, or some sick that wanted to come up. and seeing those little white lumps verified for me that, yes, something is in fact wrong with you, you haven't imagined all of this. it's not all in your head.

because the thing is, i usually start thinking about things - about my life, and then at some point i become convinced that i'm taking the easy road out. that i'm side-stepping my real goals. that in some small way i'm giving up without ever owning up to the fact that i'm giving up.

i mean, ever since i was about 15 or so i knew photography was it for me. i went to one of those summer programs where you do a bunch of artsy stuff and i took a little photo course and i met a photographer and i saw his work and he did a little slideshow of other important photography and i was sold. so for 10 years now i've played with this thing i call my camera and i guess you could say i've done pretty well for myself but sometimes i get convinced that you know i'm always going to be just scraping by and that i don't have the balls to step up to the plate and actually become a real photojournalist. I originally envisioned myself as some Nachtway type, some Shutterbabe character, some Dan Eldon type chick running around post-Soviet Russian republics, the Middle East and Africa, falling in love with photography and people over and over again. Part of me has lived this life, but most of the time I fall victim to the other part of me which insists that I have given up and then I only take the path of least resistance - in this case, a job that requires me to do nothing more than photograph a 16,000 set of homogenous ancient stones over the course of two years simply because it provides a steady income and a home away from America. That part of me will say the same thing for the relationship that I am in - saying that I merely followed the path of least resistance, that something fell in to my lap - something so good, something that makes my life so comfortable, that I took it up without asking myself if it was actually something I could dedicate my heart to.

at some point, my self-esteem just started doing a full on spiraling-down thing following this line of thinking. collapsing in itself exponentially like some dead star farting itself out of existence. i stopped being able to talk, i stopped being able to enjoy myself, and started dragging through each day wondering what was to become of me if this were to go on for another year.

i guess at some point you just make a decision to trust yourself. you decide that you are going to make shit happen and you act on that decision, because really, what else is there? it's so easy for me to fester away in the notion that i am going nowhere with this and that i've made amuck of a glorious opportunity. everyday i see things on the street that if photographed properly, would make for amazing photographs.

in any case, i have at least one more day to sleep and eat antibiotics before going back to work and i'm going to soak it up. my shit is tired.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

here comes the sun





Yeah, I live right off this "Avenue of the Sphinxes". I never really get used to it. I mean its several miles of Sphinxes just sitting out there, crumbling, being climbed on, shat on. I'm going to try and upload more video so people can really get a sense of what this place is like. Owen has a little Canon point and shoot, so this comes in handy.

As you can see, it's getting hotter, but things are really going much better. We really only had one week of total hot spell that was unbearable when I wrote that last entry and then it cooled off and I even got to take a 3 day weekend at a resort in Safaga on the Red Sea, where we did a great deal of snorkeling (amazing coral reef), played random word and hand-slapping games with our Parisian friends, including Asshole, and even a lifesize game of chess. I even got to play the new and improved version of Super Mario Brothers on the car trip back. It was dope. Now we are working 6 day weeks but we work 6.30 - 12 on site so while we do have to get up at like 5.30am we can come home as soon as the heat starts to get to us instead of boiling in it and feeling like we might just faint before making it back to the van. So things are good. Only 2 months to go before the project is over and we can come back to swine-flu infested America.

I can't wait. I have some buddies on the West Cost I'm really looking forward to catching up with and a whole lot of family on the East Coast to catch up with, including the newest member of the family - miss Evelyn Karr, born while I was here. My priority beyond visiting friends is to run a river - either in Canada or the States. Originally I heard about the McKenzie River - which takes a whole month to run, and I said - "that's it - let's go". But apparently the pre-planning is just too extensive to make it happen in our appreviated summer. But there are other good river trips to choose from. And if all goes as planned me and Owen will get back to Egypt early so we can do another feluca boat trip with our Nubian friend Khalid. 4 days just wasn't enough. A 2-week trip would be just right. Only problem is that approaching Luxor and anywhere north of it, you can't get in the water without getting skin disease and what not, so the plan to just skip buying a connecting flight and sail from Cairo to Luxor on the way back isn't so appealing to me. Seems a bit like torture to be on a boat for two weeks getting all warmed up by the desert sun but be forbidden to get in the water. So we'll see. There's still time to work it out.

Do you have specific summer plans I should know about ? I wanna know.

Fleur

Friday, May 01, 2009

after you left

i lay awake for whole hours
dead eyes & a faint kidney ache
when you kissed me & left i was
dreaming i had been sent back to college
surrounded by 17 and 18 year olds
terrifying
i could not fall back asleep so i
ate cereal & read the news
there is a bartender from north carolina
who spent a year in darfur
and now he raises money to install
clean water systems in Sudan, Cambodia,
Uganda, & other places.
I would like to help.
there is a 90-year old man who does
not think he will make it to 91 and
he has no problem with that.
he says there is no soul & that after he
dies he will be dead. enough is enough.
he says he will live on only in his children,
in his books, in his reputation.
i think he is correct.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Sunstroke




Before I finish the bit about sailing around for 4 days on a feluca, I just want to say that its finally reached that temperature that makes daily life uncomfortable. We all knew it was coming, I looked it up as soon as I got the job and shuddered to think that I'd be working in the desert, where there is a 0% chance of precipitation and the temperature rarely dips below 100. Today it was around 110 I think. I wouldn't know. I didn't make it past 11am, before I had to go home. I made the mistake of taking a shower last night and then sleeping with wet hair in the AC. We've started sleeping in the guest room because the AC in the bedroom doesn't work. We pushed the two twin beds together and I wear earplugs to block out the noise of children, weddings, cars, and dogs from the street.

It feels kind of like the way it did when I first moved to NYC and I was living in Astoria, broke, in debt, and without an air conditioner. I had to take a shower 3 times a day just to function in that apartment. Thankfully we have air conditioners here, but its funny, if you just stop to turn it off for a moment, you instantly feel hot again.

And so I have gradually become that person that enters the room looking pissed off, looks pissed of or miserable all the while everyone is eating and chatting, and I usually leave looking the same way, unless conversation is capable of lifting me out of this dumpy condition I find myself in. People say each time "are you feeling any better?" to which I reply something along the lines of "I feel hot" because that is all I can think of.

I hate myself like this obviously. It will be interesting to see if I make it to July. It's true, I've never felt to persistently unwell, heavy-limbed and dead-headed in my life. If I do make it to July, it would be a miracle of sorts. I feel bad for the people who have to be in my company like this. At least they know what I was like before it got hot.

We have no water tank at our flat, like we had at ARCE so water bottles must be toted to the flat every couple days. This is wasteful unfortunately and tedious, since we have to drink about 6 liters at work just to stay hydrated. Soon we will have to start getting up earlier to arrive at site by 6.40 or so that we can leave earlier. The sun is already making it impossible to stay until 2pm. Even with a fan blowing on you, the air is warm, and you have the uneasy sensation that you are a cookie baking in an oven. I bring lemons to site everyday because they truly are a life-saver when your electrolytes are gone and you swear you can't drink any more water. Emergen-C will save my life several times over over the next 2 1/2 months. I will ask my friends to bring some back.

Several ARCE employees are leaving this week for 2 weeks in America and I am a little jealous. A break from the heat would do me well and of course some much needed time with family and friends. Chicago House, the other large conglomerate of archeologists and artists have packed up and shipped out, leaving a dozen ARCE employees to waddle around in the heat of the temple uneasily. It would be much more civilized of course, if we could pack up and leave come May, but that's not how things run around here. At least I will have some good stories to tell for when I'm old and gray and my grandkids complain. "You think this is hot? Have I ever told you about the time I worked in Egypt and my face melted off my skull??" and so on. Wait for it.

Sunday, April 05, 2009

feluca forever

I want to live on a feluca boat with a bunch of Nubian dudes and listen to a lot of Arabic, African, and reggae casette tapes.

There's something about boat trips, river trips - it's always really hard to come off them. You leave the boat hesitantly, not really sure if this is the best thing for you. Painstakingly you come to understand that the trip is over and yes, you must return to regular life, to civilization.

after 3 nights and four days on the river, we got off the Nile, with two passengers not feeling quite right. just as we were about to pick up our gear, owen starting barfing over the side of the boat. he barfed some more until he felt normal again and we proceeded to leave and he paid Khalid and we signed the feluca's guest book, thanked our friends, shook hands, and pushed through the hungry Kollesh drivers and got a cab to the station.

TO BE CONTINUED

Thursday, March 26, 2009

back on top



things are good again.

Friday, March 20, 2009

nose to grindstone; grindstone to the ground




I've gotten a couple letters recently - most of them of the "so what's going on?" variety. It seems I've managed to write a lot on this blog but I've missed conveying what's actually going on with me and what it's like to live here.

2009 thus far has been a year of sickness and exhaustion. I haven't conveyed that because I myself was trying to drive through it and didn't want to admit it. But the truth is I've been sick more often then healthy, with bouts that last for several weeks.

I'm rather fed up with it. Throat raw. Limbs heavy. No energy. Little desire to mingle with my co-workers. Barely enough energy to make it through the day. One day weeks ago, I thought it was on the way out today and then I slept for 12 hours, got up, showered, got dressed, ate lunch and went back to bed. Not feeling it.

I guess I've avoided writing about it because I don't want to meditate on it and I don't like myself in this state. Everyday is the same - up at 6.45, to work at 7.15, back at 2. Shower, eat lunch, try to fall asleep and take something for head. sleep until evening. get up. work on talatat (process photographs and upload to server for the Egyptologists), eat dinner. work on talatat. sleep. repeat.

The hardest part about this is that there is so much going on here. If I were coming into this place with the sole purpose of shooting - I would have endless resources - life on the Nile, the orphanage that I discovered not so long ago, the Copts vs. the Christians, gender issues (big time), the whole gamut of important and interesting social documentary projects. Having to shoot blocks every day for 6 hours and then edit them on a computer for 3 more kind of destroys me in a sense - slowly I've come to run purely on auto-pilot; I'm getting through the days, I guess you could say, but the "I" isn't all there - isn't the same. I also noticed that up until yesterday I haven't written a damn thing for myself - more evidence of the fact that I've locked up inside. I make lists of things I intend to do in my spare time but the weekends are typically filled with sleeping, catching up, and trying to break out of this stuckness with some activity out of the house.

So - I want to apologize - I need to do something to come back down to earth, to get healthy, to feel like a person again and once I do that I can be a good friend again. I'm really fortunate to have people that care about me and ask and genuinely want to know how it's going and what it's like and I want to be able to do a better job of conveying that. Sometimes it requires waking up and putting the pen down onto the paper - there are some things computers can't capture first hand. (This was originally written in my book for the sole purpose of getting it out onto the paper and copied into this blog).

So what is it like? Right now it's not so good because I'm on autopilot, feet dragging, there is no time or energy for exercise, for Arabic, for photography, for writing, for love, for bike riding. But I will get out of this.

Owen is good, he is trying to figure out a way to bring me back. Obviously I'm the only one who can do this. His uncle and cousin are going and a 3-day feluca trip in Aswan is in route. Not sure what this will be like - I don't want to put on a face. I can only be myself now. I hope the water and the fresh air cure me and I can be a pleasant person to be around again.

I'll try to write about what it's like to live in Luxor, Egypt in my next post. Give me some time.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

can't find the time to find the time



SO much has happened.

Let me chronicle them one by one.

1. We went to Dahab and Aswan in December (I wrote about that a little before).
2. Owen put the moves on during the overnight train to Cairo.
3. I got super sick during Thanksgiving and barfed up my dinner multiple times.
4. My sister gave birth to her second daughter: Evelyn Ruth Karr.
5. The ARCE compound started to feel like a police state.
6. Work got insane.
7. Me and Owen moved into a new flat together.
8. My boss got fired and his wife, my other boss, resigned.
9. A bomb went off in Cairo.
10. Me and Owen got hired for another year.
11. I paid off all my grad school debt.
12. I turned 26 and Owen and 7 others here in Luxor took an epic early morning cruise over the Nile in a hot air balloon.
12. I thought I was pregnant and almost lost my mind.
13. I got THREE pieces of mail, one of which was a package (THANK YOU GABBY, LAURA, AND CLAIRE!).
14. I have had no time to do anything except work.

Phew. Ok. Let's start with numbers 4 and 5. Remember that bit about "the doubling" - when I had to start shooting twice as many blocks as I had been shooting? Well after that shit got even crazier. After increasing our production at the talatat magazine by 400% going from 20 blocks a day to upwards of 80-100, our "project director" came to us telling us that we should really be doing about 300 blocks a day. This was a little jarring, considering we only have about six hours to actually work at the magazine once you take out our breakfast break and the time it takes to set up and put everything away - and at that rate we'd have to take a block out of the magazine, clean it off, conserve it, number it, document it, photograph it and put it back in approximately 70 seconds. The fucked part of this is that we actually were forced to kind of go along with this and make preparations as if we could actually accomplish this.



Let me explain, the said project director was a little bit off. This is someone who isn't an Egyptologyst and had no degree in anything relating to antiquities. In fact, he previously worked as a manager in big oil. And he pretty much took the same approach with us, as long as you are out there producing the right numbers you are doing your job. Basically, all concern for the real job at hand: conserving, documenting, photographing, "researching" was kind of not his concern. I was pretty flustered by all of this. I kind of had a really bad month. I got sick at some point during all the madness of it all and couldn't get better. One day it got to the point where I could barely walk so I left the magazine and caught a cab home and only came back halfway through the workday the following day. The sickness stuck around for 3 weeks.

So how do you go from 70 blocks to 300? Number one - you get Owen in on it, take him away from his three other projects and make him come to the talatat magazine at least two days a week. Number two, instead of shooting blocks one at a time on one table, you get three more tables made and shoot on four at once. But since you can't buy [read: don't want to spend your money on] 3 more sets of fancy Swiss Elinchrome studio lights you just get your photographers to use house lamps. That's right. Owen took it upon himself to make several trips to Luxor's one and only "hardware store" or something that resembles a hardware store to inspect what kind of lights and bulbs were available so he could rig up something strong enough to light the blocks with. I kind of scoffed at all of this.

From a photographer's point of view, it is totally ridiculous to be asked to shoot with household lamps when you've thus far photographed over 2,000 blocks very carefully and systematically using top-of-the-line studio lamps to pick up the blocks every detail and fine relief. I mean, we're talking hieroglyphs and relief carvings that are around 3,000 years old. This isn't a job for Ikea and they don't even have that here.

In any case, this went on for some time, we ordered two more tables to be made, Owen screwed around with the lamps from our apartment and a bunch of tin foil to no end and I cursed under my breath.

The strange thing about the PD (Project Director) is that no one really recognized him as such. There was a plaque on the door that said that was his job, but the archeologists and Egyptologysts certainly didn't consider him to be their superior in so far as he knew little to nothing about their projects or their historical significance.

We had one meeting with said director where he basically had pulled us in to say, "you know, I've been fired from a couple jobs because of lack of communication with the director... so I'm just going to let you in on a little secret here - check in with me from time to time. You know, come in once a day, or even once and week and tell me how it's going, what is working, what isn't. If there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that communication is really important."

Now if this were coming from anyone else, I would have thought to myself "of course! my mother would have told me the same thing! how silly of me.." but coming from him it felt a little hypocritical because it was really part of his job to "manage" and in order to "manage" you have to be there from the beginning, you have to have an idea of what's going on with your projects from day one, you can't just jump in half way into the deal and say "hey, what's going on? you need to be shooting 5 times as fast as you are now! why aren't you checking in with me? if you don't pick it up now we're going to scrap your project and they're going to throw your precious blocks in the back of a pickup truck and drive them to another city [finger pointing and beat-faced here]. Of course, when several weeks later, he was fired, this whole conversation became even more ironic.

Anyway, during this period of stress and administrative difficulties, the whole ARCE compound became like a ship out in the sea. Like a ship in the sense that a small isolated community became ridiculous, everyone had gossip to spread, everyday we heard another update on the absurd situation we were in and once you told one person everyone else immediately knew. The problems were daily: once we were reprimanded for cooking eggs and told that we weren't allowed to buy our own eggs because we were a risk to ourselves. This quickly became a favorite joke amongst all.

Once we got a strangely worded memo about photographic guidelines and were lectured about the dangers of photographing any Egyptians in non-standard lighting. I should really upload this memo. We were told we could be put in jail and that we should remove any pictures from the internet immediately. We politely asked what picture had caused the problem but the PD replied that he could not tell us and that they were all a risk. After this meeting, Owen and I both frantically went through all of our pictures trying to figure out what picture was the problem. We found nothing. We had our flatmates look through them. They found nothing. We later found out the real reasons for this memo/meeting - a complaint from the PD's secretary about a picture that she found and didn't approve of that we had in fact taken with and at the PD's encouragement on the roof during our first week of work. This rendered the whole thing totally ridiculous and un-called for.

Once we got a memo in our email accounts entitled: "A reminder about the purpose of the ARCE residence" which told us again that we couldn't cook our own eggs, that we shouldn't take too much food from dinner, that we couldn't use the laundry room after 8pm, and that we shouldn't become overly familiar or friendly with the staff and that we were listening to our music too loudly. Here are some of my favorite quotes from this memo:

"Although ARCE intends that its residence may be as comfortable as home . . . ARCE employees are reminded that the residence is not their personal space, but is in fact a hotel facility. Complacency and excessive familiarity with the residence and its staff can be an unfortunate psychological result of living in a hotel environment for an extended period of time"

That last bit is my favorite.

This too:

"In order to control hygiene standards, food prepared in this facility will be prepared by our kitchen staff. Residents are welcome to provide suggestions to the facility manager for supplemental menu items. Residents are also welcomed to vary their diet at any one of Luxor’s fine restaurants."

The bit about suggestions to the menu was particularly comical to everyone at ARCE. The menu had become kind of unbearable. See the thing is Egyptian food is fantastic. Everyone loves it. Everyone except the PD. He was convinced that having the Egyptian cook prepare Egyptian food will physically make ARCE's residents sick. As a result, he made the cook prepare Western food, but since the cook is Egyptian, it's kind of a strange version of what you usually encounter. Hence the grilled cheese consisted of a thick piece of bread with American cheese on it. No grilling involved. Just like that. Fajita consisted of a piece of pita bread with fried peppers and feta cheese. Pasta consisted of a full plate of the same white curly pasta with a teaspoon or two of sauce. Needless to say, day in and day out, this got a little frustrating.

Now I'm not complaining. The ARCE facility is amazing. Almost breath-taking. When I found out I was going to be working in Luxor, Egypt, I imagined a plain barren room with a simple cot and maybe a lamp for reading in the middle of the desert. When you arrive at ARCE you are taken away by the downright luxury of it all - the huge mahogany dresser, the Japanese styled window, the Queen size bed, the European bathroom equipped with a bidet (that no one uses). The point is that it became clear that ARCE funds were happily poured into the building itself where we were living but with great hesitation when it came to actually supplying ARCE projects with necessary amenities such as wood trays for damaged talatat blocks, new mastabas, and shelving. And in terms of the meals, the PD just basically decided that his sensitive stomach or whatever scared him about Egyptian food gave him the right to make things miserable for everyone else in a way that they really didn't need to be. From day one, Owen and I and others suggested maybe just letting the Egyptian cooks just cook what they know how to cook (fabulous chicken, fish, and other meat dishes which are tastier than god). But he basically knocked our suggestions unanimously, explaining that Egyptian food was liable to make residents ill. Huff.

One of the funniest things about this memo and other memos is the way in which it makes us look like a big company. We are about a dozen people. The tone of these memos and emails just never seemed appropriate to me. There were half a dozen other things - like locking the door and changing the lock on the door that connected our office/Owen's bedroom to the exit which forced us to bring our photo gear through the cafe at the end of each day into the offices and caused a fire hazard as well. I don't know. It's not so interesting any more because said PD is gone and I can forget about all this now. But I remember when every single incident felt just like icing on the cake of a totally ridiculous situation. Indeed, there are somethings I just dare not bring up.

Here's a new one from today: The PD came by the labratory one day where Sayeed - the Egyptian who translates lectures all day works. He asked Sayeed if the lab needed anything - Sayeed responded that they really needed a copy machine so the students could have copies of the worksheets. "A coffee machine!" the PD thought, "a great idea!" The next week a top-notch coffee maker was installed in the lab. It was until much later the much-needed copy machine materialized.

Anyway, stay with me for more news.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

letter to an old studio photography prof at SVA



De Lessio!

Hey is this still your address? Try real hard to remember me, this
is Sara Lafleur-Vetter I took your studio class at SVA 2005-2006,
tall, skinny, rough around the edges. We have to talk. I've since
been hired to work for the American Research Center in Egypt.

I've been living in Luxor, Egypt since October and I'm on contract
till about July 2010 it looks like. Guess what my job is? After not paying
any damn attention to studio photography I got the job of photographing
16,000+ ancient Egyptian blocks with fine relief hieroglyphs and
imagery. That's irony for ya, screw Alanis Morisette.

Anywho, please write back and tell me you are still at this email address
and we can have some correspondence. That would be swell.

I'm currently at about 4,000 blocks. So, I've got a ways to go.

Best,

lafleur

Monday, February 09, 2009

I can receive mail


Sara Lafleur-Vetter
ARCE
2 Midan Simon Bolivar
Garden City, Cairo
Egypt 11461

After not receiving a drawing my friend Dominic sent me in my first week, I assumed, along with other stories that I'd heard that I could not receive mail. Then a couple weeks ago Owen got this nice package with chocolate, food, and a cd and some photos and so I think it's safe to give it a shot. In any case it would be rad to get anything at all. Even if its just a piece of mail art to put on my wall.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

A Day in the Life



Christian: How the job going? How much of the language have you picked
up? How's the food? Is there a night life? Let me know.

Sorry for not responding sooner. I got overwhelmed all of a sudden, stressed out, exhausted, ill. My to-do list forever teeming with things I said I'd do.

The job is going well. But a big change has happened in the past couple weeks. I work at a "talatat magazine" - a dusty storage facility for ancient Egyptian blocks attached to Khonsu Temple at Karnak. I'm not going to get into the history and significance of the temple here, but I will say that these blocks were re-used in different periods under different Egyptian kings such that many of them have inscriptions or hieroglyphs on more than one side, and such that one side can be right side up and then you rotate the block and the next side is upside down. Hmm. Up until a couple weeks ago we were working at a leisurely pace, I would photograph the blocks as they came to me. Before they get to me they must be removed from high stacks from inside the magazine, rolled out to our conservators where they dust them off and apply various chemical agents, epoxy on the parts that are falling off and then when they are satisfied they send the block off to our Egyptologists, who take notes on all the things they can: color, what kind of hieroglyphs or imagery or relief is present, what kind of state the block is in, etc etc. When they are all done they paint on some more chemicals "a patch" which must dry and then paint on a 6 digit number. After some minutes, the paint would dry, I would photograph it and then it would get sent back into the magazine. I was shooting 20-something blocks a day like this. With time in between to sit down with my workers and learn some Arabic with a child-size chalkboard and some chalk.

And then. And then word got around that we were working altogether too slow. 16,000 blocks at the rate we were working at would have taken about 4 years. We have 5 months left before my contract expires and they fly me back to America. So Ed, our Egyptologist friend stepped in and we began to brainstorm ways to speed up the process. I remembered in high school those nifty paint markers kids used for graffiti and had a photographer from John Hopkins bring over a dozen. Ed took the conservation paperwork and cut it in half, and lectured the conservators on how each block should take only a few minutes - especially blocks of no apparent significance - plain surfaces with nothing on them. And yes, there are quite a bit of these. Jay - said photographer from John Hopkins also dropped by the magazine to see what my process was and how he could speed up the photography element. So after all this - I'm now shooting 50-60 blocks a day - up to 70 sides. I know maybe this doesn't sound like a lot, but let me explain.

The blocks are heavy. Although they were constructed with the intention of one Egyptian man being able to carry it 3,000 years ago, nowadays most require two people to carry over to my table. Unless you want a hernia. Then the talatat face must be leveled. My table consists of a sandbox on top of a big screw so I can spin the block around to face it to the camera or face the 2nd side. The sandbox makes leveling the rock easier, as I can simply shift the level by shuving sand under one side of the rock, or propping it up with a wooden wedge. Sometimes this whole process takes all of 10 seconds. Sometimes it can take 10 minutes. Since some of the rocks are fragments, you have to find some indicator on the inscription of the rock as to what should be horizontal or vertical - some hieroglyphs, a seemingly horizontal line, etc etc. Sometimes you have to call on the Egyptologists to make this call, sometimes you don't, sometimes you make mistakes and you have to fix it in the computer, or, if the mistake is really bad, you might have to reshoot the block.

In any case, after the block is leveled, we use a mirror to make sure the face of the block is flesh with the camera lens. This involves having one of my workers (I'll talk about them below) hold up the mirror against the rock and looking through the lens and telling them to swivel the table to the left or the right until I see myself in the very center of the frame. It looks kind of like this:



Once this is set up, then we hang a board on the table (we glued a big fat magnet to the back of it) with the 6 digit number of the rock, a color patch, and a small scale to show the size of the block. Then we dust the black fabric off with a paintbrush and a blower brush. Then I shoot the rock. I've got the pavement spraypainted at various places to dictate where the camera should be depending on which way the rock is facing and the same for the Elinchrome lamps I'm using. Until recently I would do a lot of shuffling around, changing the power on the lamps or changing their position until I got the talatat lit exactly the way I want it. But since Jay came by, I've ditched this for the most part. Now I stick with the two to three lighting scenarios, sticking with the spraypaint marks on the ground and only varying this if the rock is exceptionally unusual (sometimes it truly is necessary, or the block is upside down because of fragile areas and has to be lit backwards and flipped in Photoshop). Right.

If there is more than one decorated surface, I do this all over again to the second surface, careful to label the various sides of the rock as A or B or C. I jot the rock number down in my Moleskin, the boys chalk a check onto the top of it, and it goes back onto a table until there are a whole lot of them to be carted back into the magazine and stacked in precariously tall stacks.

Like I said, it used to be twenty-something and now the numbers are more than double that, with the administration telling us that we have to double it again. For those that care, here is the number-crunch from my email to Jay:

"Shooting with Owen on Thursday we got production up to 59 blocks and 106 sides - our best track record thus far. Owen is going to try his best to shoot 2 days a week if possible and this will help to keep the numbers up... This week we shot 242 blocks/319 sides - if Owen could come twice a week and work out the patch issue, I would expect production to be up to 280 blocks a week - 1400 a month. If we have 5 months remaining that puts us in at 7000 blocks - add that to the 1700 or so we've done thus far and we're up to 8700." That's half.

I wish I could convey the manner in which we are running around like maniacs. I bust my ass so hard at work everyday that my butt cheeks chafe. That's a first. I actually have to apply baby powder to my butt after work. All of this doubling has definitely changed the nature of the job. Shooting twice as many blocks means I have to process twice as many - which made for a week of working on the computer until 8, 9, and 10pm. When you start work at 7.30 and finish that late it can really put a dent in you. Hence the sickness. The soar throat that never goes away. Irritability.

Before the doubling happened, I used to do a lot of other things like exercise, yoga, post photos, blog, take Arabic lessons, and ride bikes on the weekend and watch films and such. Since then, this has all been cut and my mood, noticeably, has done a bit of a 180. So the trick will be to find a way to keep the numbers up for shooting and processing but still have a life and get healthy.

Before all this I started writing about the job in more general terms. Read this as A Day in the Life before the "doubling" epidemic happened, when things were still pretty easy-going and life was pretty grand:

"There is a certain monotony to it I suppose, but you would be absolutely crazy to say my job is 'boring'. Yarko (dubbed "the Obi wan Konobi of photography in Luxor - quite possibly all of Egypt")



- a photographer who has been working for here forever took me aside one day to remind me that I have the best job in the world. He's right. I will try to explain to you why this is with little success but aside the point, I really hope my contract is extended so I can have another year here. I'm not ready for America and like many of my fellow-expats, I'm not really sure what the hell I'd do there. I have no interest in Graduate School at this point, or interning for some famous photographer, spending all day Photoshopping or keywording his nice pictures from Afghanistan (almost happened in PA with McCurry), in fact the only thing I can actually see myself doing/pursuing in the States is being a white-water river guide in the Canyon or somewhere else. The more likely route for my future is in another country, with my camera, or with some organization aimed to make shit better. But anyway, back to my job:

I get up at quarter to seven every morning, run downstairs for a glass of juice and a muffin, Ed makes some comment about the economy still being crap and what is your man Obama going to do about it, I scoff at him and grab my gear and jump in the company van, we (used to) swing by a nearby hotel where we pick up a group of Italian conservators, at least one of them having worked on conservation at the Vatican of all places. They all come wearing crisp white jumpers and I hear that at their site in Karnak they have nice little mats set up with nice lighting and tables with coffee and tea. Our space on the other hand is less neat I suppose, a tented area attached to the talatat magazine, where I shoot up to 30 blocks on a good day. This is the "monotonous" part, whereas every other aspect of it is not.

We jump out at Karnak where there's usually two dozen tour buses lined up and the morning light is pouring through the temple.





Tour guides buzz around us speaking everything from French, English, Arabic, Japanese, Italian, Chinese, Russian, and other languages I can't make out. We push through the metal detectors and the crowds with gear in hand taking in the same scene every morning.


I work with two Egyptian guys who are very dear to me. One is a 19 (now 20) year old boy by the name of Mohammed - a name which you can call out on any street corner and get at least 5 people to turn around.




I don't have time to do a full character analysis of Mohammed or even do him any justice here, but let's just say he is very smart, a rebel of sorts, and hyper-active. I have stories to tell about him that I will save for other posts - stories involving weddings, motorcycles, etc. The difficult part for Mohammed is not getting bored. He is forever telling stories, a mile a minute, to Dowop, then at some point during the day, when the last hour or two comes up, he gets bored out of his mind, sometimes sitting down with his head in his hands, clipping his fingernails, doing anything other than working. Which is fine, because at that point, Dowop can take over for the most part.

Dowop is a 30-something year old husband and father. His third daughter was born yesterday at 5am and he showed up for work. That is the kind of person he is. His wife was in the hospital. He stuck around for a couple hours until we told him to go be with his wife and new daughter.

Dowop is obsessed with the word "wahad" which means "one". It's wahad miraya (one mirror), wahad forsha (one brush), wahad mezan (one level), wahad Owen, wahad Sara, etnein Dowop (two Dowops, because sometimes he holds up the mirror and there are two of him - philosophical right?). Sometimes the wahad game gets a little old and unravels into absurdity - wahad wahad (one one), wahad kewayis (one good), and he will start talking to himself about various things with wahad in front of it.

Each time we saw Dowop last week we would ask him if the third baby is here yet, and he would say la lesa - no not yet. We jokingly told him that if it turns out to be twins he can give us one baby since he only wants one (wahad bes - just one).





Dowop is hilarious. He has definitive facial expressions and a way of talking and smacking his lips together and a definitive tone of voice that I wish I could convey to you. Sometime I'm going to have Owen video tape our breakfast so that I have a record of this.

Everyday around 10am whoever went out to fetch breakfast arrives back with a couple plastic bags heavy with goodness. For two Egyptian pounds (40 cents), we get a meal of kings consisting of a falafel-type sandwich called "tamia" - super fried bean balls



inside the most amazing pita I've ever tasted with tomato, lettuce, green onion, sometimes some white feta-like cheese, and always some fruit jam. All of this is plopped down on a plastic tarp on the temple grounds that we sit on and happily munch away. this is followed by tea with milk and sugar as we sit among ancient blocks telling stories and trying to communicate in broken Arabic and cherades.








The best is when tourists are wandering around and they see a bunch of Egyptian dudes plopped down on the ground, dipping pita into plastic bags of beans and jam and then see the lone white girl there, munching away. It all looks pretty funny.

How much of the language have you picked up? How's the food? Is there a night life? Let me know. Sorry, but this will have to wait till next time. 11pm is here and my throat is collapsing in on itself and my head is throbbing so I've got to call it a night. Sis - I hope this suffuses for never writing you enough or posting enough. Good news is me and Owen are going to get our own flat soon, which is going to improve our situation immensely. More on that later. Thanks to everyone for being patient and not getting too pissed when I don't respond to emails or write about "what it's really like". I intend to post to this religiously. Thanks for reading. Love, Fleur.

forever young



I have just finished watching the entire catologue of Gabby Miller's YouTube videos - everything from Pandas fighting in the gym, pandas in the library and at the lesbo club, to Gabby's grandmother wishing everyone a Happy New Year, reciting the Ballad of Yukon Jake or the player piano playing music recorded in 1922 from Millerama. For those of you don't know, Gabby Miller was someone I went to school with at Reed College. We met my Junior year when I returned from Russia in the spring, and then we lived together in a house called The Stables my senior year. She was and remains one of my favorite people on the face of the earth. Sitting here watching the videos, I have come to the realization, and maybe I've known it all along, that the people I met at Reed are people that will remain my favorites forever. There is something about the people I met there that make them most valuable. Aside from a particular best friend in Philly and my family members, they constitute that one circle of friends that I will always come back to. And now that we have all graduated and entered the real world, it's kind of funny to see where we all ended up:

Gabby goes back and forth between California and Vietnam, Serene opened up an art gallery in post-Katrine New Orleans, Sunny Daly is studying in Cairo, Egypt, Jesse is organizing lunch-ladies in Oregon and playing music, Layla is baking vegan goods in San Fran (as far as I know), Keith spent two years in Prague studying film, Babbits is living the dream in Portland at the Fridge soon to take a roadtrip with me across the states in summer 2009, Dan Denvir is living in Quito, Ecuador playing journalist/community organizer protesting all things evil and leading Caterwaul Quarterly (which I'm proud to help out with) while his girlfriend Thea holds down the fort in Philly studying for her PHd, let's see... Wilkes is somewhere on the West Coast getting his photography on magazine covers and being too busy to communicate, Julia Bean works for a neon light co. in NYC making rad signs for companies like Adidas, Jacob and Hana, who've got the most amazing track record of all: traveling from New Zealand, Indonesia, across America, and back again to Indonesia, etc etc.

But then there is also the extended network of non-Reed friends that I have kept in touch with: among them Laura - my friend in Germany, Bryan who has recently re-located to Columbia/Venezuela, Sean in NYC, Simona my friend in Morocco, and all my friends in Russia: Denis, Alexey, Albina, Rushina, etc. I feel well-rounded because of this.

I suppose living here amongst archeologists/adult peoples has done me some good in that I can pretend to be more like them, to begin to understand their mannerisms and speech patterns, to begin to take on responsibility and have a real job, but there is also the recognition - in a positive sense - that I know who my people are. My biggest fear, I know now, is being normal. I started to tell myself that I was "becoming adult" and slowly liking the idea of "adulthood" and accepting it as not so bad. Now I'm not being nostalgic in the slightest, I just want to state for the record that being away from friends for three years or so has led me to understand how much I love and respect them - for all their weird behavior, for the way in which you can't really guess what they are going to do or say next, and I will always understand this as the only way to be. It's ingrained in me and it was rather foolish to think I could take it out or tell myself that taking it out was the right thing to do.

What made me realize this? It was many things. It was the reunion with Sunny Daly in Cairo, it was watching all of Gabby's YouTube videos from way back then, it was sharing the stories of the good old days with a new friend, it was playing strip poker for the hell of it last night for the first time since that spring break weekend we took up to Canon beach back in 2005 with Gabbers, Layla, Gene, Jesse, and Isabelle. I do believe that I will remain a child at heart forever and I accept this with great joy.

Monday, December 22, 2008

80 birds with one stone



i started writing this a couple weeks ago and didn't finish it. that's what happens with most everything that isn't my regular work here at the American Research Center - or "arsee" as we refer to it in our daily laments and litanies.

i've gotten a lot of emails and been generally overwhelmed with my inability to respond. As I told my friend Bryan:

"Everytime I try to write an email I get derailed because I can't send it until its a complete thought and I never get around to making a complete thought. So now i'm like half a dozen thoughts backed up. I don't know if i can finish this thought because its late and i never get enough sleep. But i have a blog that I never have time to post to and only my mom reads apparently and at some point i'm going to just have to give up on responding to emails and respond to them in my blog. Then I can kill like 80 birds with one stone." So here goes. I will try to make this blog a place where I answer questions and capture what it’s really like.

4am my dreams are intermingled with the sound of Arabic prayers droning out of a loudspeaker. it's Friday morning before the Eid holiday, I've gone to bed just hours ago, and my dreams are drowned now in this muffled shouting. I am jolted from the mostly sensical world of my dreams into the sometimes nonsensical always magical place that is Egypt, this place that I live in and love. Allah Akhbar.

The prayers today are especially aggressive. It's "Friday's sermon" or "Friday's rant" as my housemate says. It sounds kind of like the 3rd Reich, a political rant, or a Pink Floyd song from The Wall. The megaphone definitely takes prayer to a different place. Pam, my housemate, is convinced he's screaming at the top of the lungs about how to slaughter goats. They are lined up now at the butcher's in the market, I saw 50 of them or so, driving by in our balidy bus last night, penned up and necks soon to be slit.

"Eid al-Adha" or just Eid for short celebrates Ibrahim's (or Abraham depending on which side of the fence you stand) near sacrifice of his son to Allah (or God). According to the Koran and not far off from the Biblical version, "the devil tempted Ibrahim by saying he should disobey Allah and spare his son. As Ibrahim was about to sacrifice his son, Allah intervened and instead provided a ram as the sacrifice. This is why today all over the world Muslims who have the means to, sacrifice an animal (usually a goat or a sheep), as a reminder of Ibrahim's obedience to Allah. The meat is then shared out with family, friends (Muslims or non-Muslims), as well as the poor members of the community. (Islam names Ishmael as the son who was to be sacrificed, whereas the Judeo-Christian name Isaac)." Thank you wikipedia.

Nicholas: On a scale of 1 to 10 you ask - how do you rate it in terms of magic?

At least a 9 or a 10. There is magic everywhere. Today it was giant hot air balloons being lit in great numbers outside of Karnak Temple where we work. Leaving the temple complex in the company van, I was so overcome by the spontaneity and the flame and color of it all that I had to get out of the van and tell my co-workers I'd walk home because I couldn't not take pictures. Owen, my friend in photographic jaunts, jumped out to join me. Children swarmed around to watch the torches inflate the mammoth rainbow billows as a dozen men struggled to brace the basket down to the earth, children circling in pairs and threes on bicycles and tugging on my arm to have their picture taken. If you have time to do things other than work, then you can participate in such magic everyday and that is more than enough.

Anxiety?

Maybe a 7 or 8 but it diminishes quickly, after a week or two its not so bad, and after two months its all but gone. I should point out that this is specifically Luxorian anxiety, as Cairo has its own version. Being home to some of the world's most amazing Egyptian antiquities, you can't escape the tourist culture here. The collective inertia of thousands of years of tourism has left a permanent stain on this town, and the initial weeks in Luxor can be crushing. You cannot leave the flat without being haggled by at least a dozen people.

The techniques of approaching foreigners, over thousands of years have evolved becoming increasingly more abrupt, short, and aggressive. The questions employed to hook a tourist into your service no longer require full sentences or even a verb, but instead consist of one word - they are more like demands then questions, from "BUKSHISH" with the gesture of an open hand (give me money) to "KALESH?" (want a ride in my carriage) and they are always repeated half a dozen times despite your negative or non-response. They come from children or from carriage riders, taxi drivers, shop owners, shoe shiners, in short, from everyone. At first, such behavior can be maddening. You have no way of waving off these hagglers, no way to communicate that you have been through this routine every day for the past two months and no you don't want to ride in their carriage/taxi/shoeshine chair, no way of regaining your invisible nature – something you took for granted back home.

Last week, determined to get out of Luxor for the Eid holiday, Owen and I planned a trip out to the Red Sea. We chose the more remote of the Red Sea venues, setting our sights on Dahab - which sells itself as the ideal backpacker/diving locale. Cairo confirmed my belief despite it's movie theaters & bowling allies on ships, i still prefer Luxor. One does however quickly tire of the haggling culture that seems to dart at you from every alley, cornerstore, horse carriage, cafe, and felucca dock in Luxor and so its really necessary to get away periodically. Once a month, I’d say, to keep it together.

Outside of its Starbucks and ex-pat McDonalds complete with kiddie slides, Cairo offers the rare opportunity to disappear into the crowd. It’s a strange sensation getting off the train from Luxor - you are no longer a walking neon wallet, fair game for any Egyptian in their favorite sport – which is intricate and employs jokes, lies, and the use of “brother” “friend” and other such things to suggest friendliness.
Each nationality triggers different lines, puns. Traveling with Owen, as soon as people find out he’s from Canada, they always use the “Canada Dry” line – they don’t seem to have much material here. America is a little more of a watershed – they almost ubiquitously mention Obama or Bush, and this is a fun game.

The opportunity to disappear into the crowd in Cairo is an immense relief – getting of the train it’s as if your humanity has been restored. But the smog, the game of frogger required to cross the street & the lack of nature will drive you out quickly.
Our company helped us organize a private microbus to Dahab. Although it ended up costing twice as much as we expected and broke my bank completely, I’d say it was still a good call – the public bus from Cairo to Dahab is known to make excessive stops along the way, turning a 7-8 hour drive into a 17 hour drive. Sounds kind of horrific to me.

So it was a bourgeoisie commute to a backpacker mecca I suppose – somewhat of a contradiction – we dropped over $200 to get from Cairo to the Red Sea – where our room ran us only $20 a night. The ride was bumpy enough to send you leaping out of your sleep every couple miles when the back of the bus jolted over a bump. We started with the AC blasting in our sterile luxurious micro-bus, a strange contrast to regular Egyptian life which is infiltrated with dust – the strong aroma of cologne wafting from our 3 escorts – hair slicked back with gel, forever sporting sunglasses and the same balady cassette tape playing over and over for the first four hours. All of this didn’t faze me in the slightest. The highlight was when we stopped for the restroom and I came out into the convenient store looking for TP and one of our guys was trying to ask me what I wanted, and seemed to communicate that no, they didn’t sell any TP. So I bought some cologne-scented wet wipes & left with a wonderful smelling rear. Then when I stepped outside to get back into the micro-bus the guy came up to me holding a rolling paper, assuming I had asked to buy papers to smoke hash in; I smiled & said no thanks, explaining that I had only wanted papers for the toilet. They then purchased another balady cassette tape, some mango juice, and cookies and we were on our way.

As the sun was setting the mountains moved in – everything dappled in red light and cyan shadows. By the time we got to Sharma Al Sheik – the huge resort town 100km from Dahab – a real life Las Vegas times Disney World plopped right down in the middle of the Egptian desert – it was pitch black. Egyptian drivers, by the way, turn off their headlights while driving at night, a practice which baffles foreigners, the running explanation being that they see it as a way of conserving battery power – and rely on laying on the horns and/or flashing their lights whenever approaching an oncoming vehicle/person/obstacle.

We fly along with the speedometer beeping – the sound only going away when we dropped below 120km up against the balady music it sounded like a hospital heart monitor, communicating that indeed we were alive, but at any moment a family on a motorcycle could appear on the road at the same time as an oncoming truck and the whole thing would just go down ugly.

Bryan: What are things like out there? Still enjoying it? Can you find beer? Are there any stories or series you're working on in addition to the blocks?
I am ecstatic to be here. Honest. The magic hasn’t worn out yet. My previous blog entry spoke of itches yet to be scratched, but I must admit, that at present, I think they are scratched. I really wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. It’s been a while since I’ve felt that way, so I’m just kind of waiting for the curtain to fall and wake up from the dream. I know that these things don’t last forever, but I’ve really got all my chips in on getting hired for a second year. Some of my co-workers say its wishful thinking to suppose they’ll extend the project and our contracts another year, but this is my deep and sincere hope.

Beer. Yes, Luxor is infamous for two beers: Luxor and Sakara. Both are mediocre but do-able. I’ve discovered a third beer called Nuba which really takes the cake. It’s a smooth dark beer that tastes strikingly like Newcastle. We’ve been trying to get our hands on the case of the stuff so that we have it back at the flat. Right now we’re finishing up the whiskey that we purchased at the airport on the way in. After that, it might get a little desperate. But you should know that there are bars here. Ex-pat bars.

Genesis – for example - this bar is the thing of legends – it’s run by a Ukrainian woman with typical Slavic temperament and a deadpan expression. Her two kids run about the bar – McKenzie is a two year old girl with curly locks who makes meowing sounds and tugs at her mothers skirt and the boy, a 6 or 7 year old, frequently beats everyone at pool, almost beating me the last time I was there. and she has a huge great dame which takes the couch beside the pool table as its bed. There is also a set of furniture upside down glued to the ceiling, sometimes birds can be seen flying around inside. also the tables are aquariums and they actually have a pool inside the bar which should soon be made available to the public. On top of all this they have karaoke, when the Ukrainian woman isn’t in a PMS mood, you can sing anything from Aretha to Amy Winehouse to Justin Timberlake. All in all, I am a big fan, but I still haven’t worked up the nerve to speak to her in Russian.

Alright. That’s it for now. I have a million more things to talk about, adventures in Dahab, adventures in work and in play, but I’m averaging 4 hours a sleep a night this week, so things gotta change.

PS - some dude that works in the kitchen who is our buddy gave me this gallabeya as a present which is bright orange and has a hoodie and says 7 ELEVEN across it with a buttload of sequence. America, just you wait.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

un-scratched

but beneath it all there's an itch that never gets scratched. sometimes it feels useless to even start something that you know you won't finish. it's in every aspect of my life at this moment - living on the fly. not being able to properly respond to letters, to follow up with different projects/plans, not actually having human relations with anyone except a handful of egyptologists and one particular human being who is like a dream to me, moving in and out of what is real/ sometimes very dear to me, sometimes a total stranger. i am grateful for that. it's nice - this drifting, you just have to accept that it always comes with that feeling of something missing underneath it all. and don't fall victim to drink. once you've had one or two it will make the missing part swell until you can't keep it down anymore and it will start to seem like the only thing. i am not missing anyone in particular or any one place. i have been adrift it seems, for the last several years. a real live tumble-weed. there is also the knowledge that it will get scratched later down the line - that itch. that for now, vacations on the red sea with my unexpected interlocutor is enough to get me through the month. that bike rides through the town are enough to get me through the week. that an evening on the roof is enough to just push me through into the next day.

but reading this, dear reader, i realize that i have given you all the wrong impression. don't get me wrong, as far as my life is concerned, i've got 95% of the itches covered over here. life has always been for me a battle with the notion of "the grass is always greener" but never have i been so satisfied with where i am. i don't want to be anywhere else at this moment. i merely wanted to express the underlying sublime feeling that comes with this life. i like it very much. me myself and i.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

it's time

to take a vacation. i will catch up with posting/emailing and all that from here:

Thursday, November 27, 2008

thanks and giving




2.12am. forever exhausted. tonight was "thanksgiving" i remember a small piece of turkey within chicago house, i remember stellar mashed potatoes, squash, beets, and something resembling coleslaw. too many cigarettes. too many whiskey cokes. sakara. finally i discovered GENESIS bar and it lived up to all of its expectations: the cold-faced Ukranian woman running Kareoke and her amazing child, brown curls and puppy sounds, a gargantuan Great Dame dog passed out on the couch, my voice became shrill from shouting - there was Respect, I will Survive, Justin Timberlake, Oasis, BeeGees and many horrible songs, billiards, drinks i had no money to pay for, after the French mission, being tossed upon someone's shoulder multiple times. pressure points. twisted wrists. more beer. much love. french things i didnt understand. wigs. fake chest hair. these are the moments that seem like a dream to me.

the desert has miles and miles. i have to pinch myself to remember i'm alive. we will get to the red sea. we will swim in the salted waters. pinch ourselves again. beach.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

i got paid



Not really. Just a small cash advance to get me through the month. My salary hasn't come through yet because of complications wiring to American bank accounts. At present I have $110 in my bank account. I had to pay a $200 termination fee to T-MOBILE (evil) for a phone that I had in the states for 5 months and that pretty much emptied it out. I am paying minimal loans, but come January most to all of my salary for a couple months will go into eliminating my grad school loans once and for all. Funny, I only went for one year, got no degree, but managed to accrue 30 grand in loans. This is unique to America really, and a real issue for the next 4-8 years of Obama's administration in my opinion. I believe they recognize how ridiculous the cost of American education has become.

I suppose I was somewhat foolish for attending Grad school for a year, but I like to believe that maybe it had something to do with where I am now. Let me remind myself that I am in Egypt. I am not paying rent. I am working my butt off as always, but what a place for adventures and photographs.

I don't want to meditate too long on the difficulties of making it as a photographer in the here and now, because I find myself in a beautiful situation at present, but I worry about the future. There will have to be some major thought put into it - whether its buddying up with a Travel Magazine or an Airline Magazine and freelance articles or really marketing oneself via Photoshelter or other such micro-stock sites or doing a lot of Weddings - but there is a way. In Russia, I enjoyed juggling working at a magazine, shooting corporate parties, teaching English, and DJing. And I barely scraped by - which is how I anticipate to live my life - barely scraping by. For now I have no problem with that. I imagine down the line I'll have to find a way to have a more stable income, but for my young life, this is fine.

My friend and mentor Sean McDevitt is a master of all trades: teaches at Pratt and Snow Farm (an arts summer camp in Massachusetts), works at a studio in Manhattan, DJ's weddings, bar mitzfahs, parties, and works as a Mac technician. All at once. And somehow manages to make art and have a great life and an awesome wife. I really admire that. He was the one who turned me onto photography and it is in that spirit that I'd like to follow. Some kind of Renaissance woman existence that combines white water, photography, travel and DJing. Mmm. Delicious.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

goals



i kind of feel like i haven't taken a good picture since i've been here. now i know that's not true, but that's what this place does. there's an amazing picture around every corner, alley way, in every face, and on every doorstep. its everywhere. i've never been so visually overwhelmed before. today we took a ferry to the west bank - the other side of the nile, and then rented bikes for a couple bucks and rode them through sugar cane fields and down dirt roads, passing huge ancient egyptian statues as we went, boys on bicycles riding up next to us and having conversation, motorcycles whizzing by every other second, cats, dogs, women in burkas. this is where i live and i want to keep it forever. as always i have that horrible sensation (that i've had my whole life) like i'm letting everything pass me by. like i'm not stopping to get that (at least) one amazing shot per day. for me the photographer, this is a good emotion, it makes me stop. but for me as a person, maybe this is a detrimental emotion, as i quickly become overwhelmed by my inability to capture this place within a frame. that is my goal. i want my photos to be more visually complex, to be layered, to have puns, and give you immediate gut reactions.

thankfully, i think i can do this. i met with my boss this weekend, she came down from cairo for a couple days and she caught me at the computer attempting to remove every last spec of dust from a talatat block photo. we had been arranging to meet for days now and she just happened to graze by my computer. i barely got the words "Shari, I...." out of my mouth before she said "No. Sara, you don't need to do that." and that was that. the last two weeks or so I had been killing myself painfully editing each talatat block in Photoshop, removing dust, straightening the letter board, blah blah blah. And now it comes - freedom. I am no longer an appendage of the imac or the chair. I can be me again.

so i think my stomach is recovering and i will have time to go out into the market every day and that will be my goal. it doesnt matter how crap i feel - i will go out with my camera and my flash (because i need to learn how to properly use it in a crazy crowded situation) and i will get at least one ridiculous photograph a day. right?

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Horizontal is the new vertical



It's 4.44pm on a Thursday - November 6th to be precise. It's about 80 degrees outside and extremely sunny. I'm sitting in the darkness of my hostel room with the lights out and the shade drawn where I make my permanent residence for the next 8 and half months, in the beautiful city of Luxor, Egypt. It is the place of dreams: smash India, the Middle East, and Africa together and imagine the possibilities.

I am stuffed, exhausted, dehydrated, intestinally destroyed, and elated. I'm drinking a re-hydration beverage that tastes like the ocean with sugar added and it will launch me into my daily one hour comatose sleep that happens after lunch and before dinner where I have epic dreams and wake up with a slow thundering heartbeat. Often its just a walk upstairs to get a towel to clean the photo equipment that leads to me falling asleep with all my clothes on and my industrial air conditioner blasting as donkeys hee haw and the collective prayers of a thousand men droan from outside my window.

Thus far I have had no time. And I mean it. Up at 6.30am each morning and out to the temple by 7.30am where I photograph talatat blocks until 2pm, these are "stone blocks of standardized size (ca. 27 by 27 by 54 cm, corresponding to ½ by ½ by 1 ancient Egyptian cubits) used during the reign of Akhenaton in the building of the Aton temples at Karnak and Akhetaten." Thank you wikipedia. The blocks can be dated around 1350-1330 BC (as I like to say "older than God") and feature a wide range of images, including everything from standard hyroglyphics to images of horses, cows, sacrifice, offerings, kings, and queens. The people I work with are versed enough in Egyptology that they can literally read the blocks as if they were a book - it's quite impressive. Indeed, I have been hired by the American Research Center to photograph 16,000 such blocks. I think everyone has recognized this to be impossible and I feel a little better about my inability to realize that goal. To do that within 9 months, I'd have to shoot about 100 a day, or one every 10 minutes. But each rock must be carefully wrestled from a staggering stack inside a cave-like magazine so that it can be documented, treated with various resins and chemicals, given a unique number, and cleaned before it gets to me, where it must be properly leveled, dusted off, and lit with the studio lighting to highlight all of its relief/detail before I can move on to the next rock. All of this under a tent in the desert of Karnak Temple.

The most amazing thing about working in this place is the way you are surrounded by mind-blowing artifacts and its not like they are always set aside as tourists attractions, much of the time they are just an inherent part of the landscape. Just outside the ARCE hostel for example is a huge trench that resembles a huge moat or a miles-long empty swimming pool with a dust floor featuring beheaded Sphynxes for as far as the eye can see. They are not set apart from the city, but instead intermingling with sleeping dogs, horses, children playing soccer and stick fighting, even karate lessons.

While I am completely overwhelmed and underslept I feel very blessed to be here. I love my day job. This is by far the best I've ever had it. Sure I don't have a long line of amazing work to brag about, I've scooped ice cream for famous people in New York City, served up delicious Jerk Chicken Sandwiches and Lattes at a cafe in Brooklyn, worked on an English Magazine in St. Petersburg and freelanced for the St. Petersburg Times and taught English to hip elite business men and women there. So this basically blows everything out of the water.

The challenge for me will be to make my time here work for me. I came into this job thinking I'd have too much time on my hands, that I'd take up some stoic monastic life studying Arabic and teaching myself to play the guitar in my room. The reality is I have zero time and I have to find a way to change my workflow around so that I can put aside time for myself - for exploring this place, photographing it, and other activities. I cannot get too wrapped up in my work to let the opportunity pass me by. Thus far it's been staying up until 11pm dusting talatat in Photoshop and straightening images and fixing backgrounds and black levels. I will meet with my boss tomorrow to figure out how I can do my job without investing 12 hours a day into it.

There is always a running list of extra-curicular activies to be had - beyond the little favors: printing some photos of the guys from work, helping the guy at Karnac with his Russian in exchange for Arabic, taking the birthday girl out for dinner, going to the market for necessary fabrics and accessories - beyond that there are bicycles to be had, to take a ferry out the West Bank (the other side of the Nile) and ride through the sugar cane and photograph, get some motorcycles and drive over the bridge miles down the road, rent a hot air balloon and sail a mile high above the city, which is caked in satellite dishes and epic sunsets. A trip to Morocco here. A jaunt to Uganda there. A New Years visit to St. Petersburg?

There is too much. Too much. And free cappucinos from the kitchen. Tuesday, actually, was the first day I actually resented not being in America. I stayed up until 2am to catch the first polls of the Presidential Election come in and then I was up at 6.30am watching Obama give his acceptance speech, almost in tears, before I had to run out to work. I would have liked to experience that in America, the excitement, but I'm getting it from all the over here, where Obama is championed by the Egyptians and they are still congratulating me on his victory. They, like the rest of the world, recognize what this means. Things are going to change.



I will be back in July. By that time, America will have gotten a taste of Obama-style government. It will be interesting to see if the same spark that is lit in the hearts of Americans and foreigners is still lit then, because as he said, the road ahead is long and hard, but I have every faith in Obama, his administration and the country's ability to bounce back. I, like Michelle Obama, would be one to say things like its not until recently that I've felt truly proud of my country. I know she's gotten a great deal of flack for that statement but the last 8 years have been rough and ideal-shattering. I want America to be regarded with respect and admiration again. I don't want to be associated with my country's abominable actions in Iraq and Guantanamo. Now, for the first time in years, I am proud to say that I'm an American, because I know that this image of us has changed. The enormous strength and convictions of one man and all the excitement, hope and positive energy he evokes has transformed the game.



I am excited about returning to America someday. I probably won't make it my permanent residence until my old age, but I love what's happening there. For now though, I like this life. I have always been interested almost solely in two things: photography and travel. If this is the way to do it then I'm sold. This place is amazing.