Thursday, July 26, 2007

letter to layla


I'm sorry for the shallowness off my interview answers. I felt bad having given the whole interview and not saying damn thing about Russia and the real reason for my love affair with her. And that is evident in the pictures I think. On my first trip to Russia I would walk around with a Baltika (beer) strung to my hip and my camera in hand. the Baltika was enough to take away my hesistancy to shoot photos of total strangers. and even ask - in my most primitive Russian, from looking it up in a book. "mozhno?" i was totally in love with the way things looked. i just wandered around with eyes gaping open at this world. this world that was somehow half built and the way the sun hit the whole thing and the way people carried themselves. i'm sure you can understand this feeling. i was very jealous of jesse when he went away to russia. in a way , he outdid me. he stayed for a whole year. and he left me in new york. that sounds funny, but i was kind of broken over that. certainly i am still very confused about all of it. forever writing letters in my head to him, trying to make sense of the last 2 years. what happened in me and why i did what i did. and while i would gladly take his hand in marriage and have his babies, i feel calm around him lately. when we are all together. as if it is okay - the fact that he has moved on and has no need of relationships. i feel like i can wait.

but i did not say much about russia did i. or my real heart. so i hope you make a sequel. but more importantly, i just want you to know that those answers i gave are quite shallow answers. and im sure you understand they speak little about how complex it all is.

love

fleur