Within 48 hours of arriving back in America I have managed to spend nearly $400. It is baffling to me the rate at which it disappears - taxis, phone expenses (t-mobile gave my phone number to someone else!), food, drink, metro, luggage charges. Already suffering the effects of this abrupt awakening - yesterday I awake at 4.30am, today 5.45am. Hungover. Head throbbing. I'd like to get better at this - follow my costs as I see Bryan doing - keep a log, make monthly/weekly limits & goals. Save. Grow. It's probably a good time to stop hoarding things too - little scraps of paper from all over the world. I do not journal anymore like I used to. It's only really something you can do when you have a stable home. All around me I see women slightly older than me - with children. Motherly American women with motherly hair and motherly shirts. It will always be a strange sensation returning to the US without a job, a home, and many old friends now so distant. Was hit with that age-old alienation yesterday after dropping off Owen, wandering about Williamsburg friend-less, hoping to find someone to eat dinner with & spend the evening with. Alone. Alone is such a strange phenomenon. America seems so strange again - like a David Lynch film. Characters ingenuine - something is always slightly off; dreamlike. I crave intimacy but it's not something I can expect 48 hrs off the boat. It will take time but I will make sense of this life.
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