Letter to Denis

I made a little artistic breakthrough today and I'm feeling much better. Artistic breakthroughs are really all I need in life. And the occasional friend. It's funny though, how these things come about. You can't just sit down and decide you're going to write an awesome song - it usually comes out of some pain/drama in your life. Like your song "Last night" - i feel like that sort of just came to you when you started thinking about all of the rough shit you've had to deal with in your life. Anywho, that's how my emotions are - very much dependent on what im making with my photography. So i apologize for saying or writing things you don't wanna hear. I know that it doesn't really matter where I am in the world - its more about being able to apply myself to my work - to be productive and creative. And its definitely a process - It can take a week, a year, or 10 years to get to the place where you are consistently making good art, but its always something you cant really control - it comes by accident by life experiences and all that.

It's 4am and I'm still awake. Head is on fire. It's like this. You have shitloads of time - a whole two weeks with no work and not a clue of what to do with yourself - hating yourself for not going out and shooting amazing pictures the way you used to. the way you shot when you first came to russia, and everything was fresh and seen from an alien's point of view. I passed a flaming dumpster on my way out the house but i didn't stop to shoot it. Then I start to get down on myself - so much time! You wait and pray that some kind of creative push will come to you. Then it finally comes. Finally, it comes, and now all you need is time, and most of all, to keep the spark going. Sometimes it means staying up all night cause in the morning it will be gone. Sometimes its about having nothing else to do - total isolation, no work, no appointments. If I could be more efficient at seizing this creative thing when it happens, oh man, oh man, i'd be unstoppable - the way i used to attack my scrapbooks as a kid, and make the most raddest collages. If i could bring that creative force back, the spur of the moment all-nighters where my hands are flying and they can do no wrong. I remember discovering it with the National Geographic magazines. Cutting and pasting and everything that i put down, every haphazard scene was electric and so very right.

I'll have to scan it I suppose and get it on flickr. The world, at the moment, is run by flickr, didn't you know?

Fleur